LYRICS
Photo: Kassidy McConville
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Dear Poet, did you miss me?
Oh, I will always be the Nightingale
I tried to scream but no one heard me
Gave up my soul to find the holy grail
I followed the path of the masses,
Four years down and it’s tragic,
Always thought by now I’d have something to show
I cut my teeth on a habit,
You can rest my bones here without it,
I wake up to find there’s a long way to go
And all I know is,
We’ve got what the world needs now,
We’ve got to break through somehow
So shout, shout, let it out,
Sooner or later it comes around,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe it’s Mabel Laine,
Break down, write it out,
Can’t change the world, only myself,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe It’s Mabel Laine
Nothing left for me in Charlotte,
And I wouldn’t be true if I stayed the same,
There comes a time made for moving
Momentum to keep the doubts at bay
‘Cause all I know is,
We’ve got what the world needs now,
We’ve got to break through somehow,
So shout, shout, let it out,
Sooner or later it comes around,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe it’s Mabel Laine,
Break down, write it out,
Can’t change the world, only myself,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe It’s Mabel Laine
Dear Poet, did you miss me?
Oh, I will always be the Nightingale,
But there comes a time made for moving,
Momentum to keep my doubts at bay,
‘Cause all I know is,
We’ve got what the world needs now,
We’ve got to break through somehow,
So shout, shout, let it out,
Sooner or later it comes around,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe it’s Mabel Laine,
Break down, write it out,
Can’t change the world, only myself,
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe It’s Mabel Laine
I’ve got no one left to blame,
Maybe It’s Mabel Laine
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Maybe I’m the person,
Who’s afraid of being happy,
I think of worst case scenarios,
Ever since we left Ontario
But you were right,
From the night,
That we climbed up on the roof
Summer air,
We were there,
Without a worry ‘bout the story’s end
Until then,
Baby bring it in,
There’s cinnamon and sugar on my tongue tonight
And it’s all because of you,
That it’s perfect and nostalgic in my mind tonight,
I just want to spend forever with you,
But I guess right now will have to do
I guess I like to keep my distance,
From things to good to be true,
Just like I have a slight aversion,
To words made for coercion,
And there’s no,
Way to know,
How much time we really have,
Autumn breeze,
Golden ring,
We were crazy and we made our plan,
I’d do it again
So Baby bring it in,
There’s cinnamon and sugar on my tongue tonight,
And it’s all because of you,
That it’s perfect and nostalgic in my mind tonight,
I just want to spend forever with you,
But I guess right now will have to do
Oo, Whoa
But you were right,
From the night,
That we climbed up on the roof,
Summer air,
We were there,
Without a worry ‘bout the story’s end,
Until then
Baby bring it in,
There’s cinnamon and sugar on my tongue tonight,
And it’s all because of you,
That it’s perfect and nostalgic in my mind tonight,
I just want to spend forever with you,
But I guess right now will have to do
-
Who said that you could let the walls fall through and call my phone?
Did you get the OK before you came my way, into my zone?
You were so poised and professional with a studio North on National,
‘Til you spilled your espresso and I was impressed so, what does that make me?
The closer I get, the harder I fall
‘Cause there’s a new side of you,
A new shade of blue in your eyes,
Your eyes,
And I kinda like,
You changin’ my mind,
‘Cause in you,
I see a thousand kinds,
And with you,
I’ll live a thousand lives
Well this ain’t no start but you could break my heart just like day one,
Thought I’d pin you down, memorize your sound, but we’ve just begun,
Yeah we’re a little unconventional, and always so multidimensional,
We make quite a pairing, if you’re comparing, we got something good,
The closer I get, the harder I fall
‘Cause there’s a new side of you,
A new shade of blue in your eyes,
Your eyes,
And I kinda like,
You changin’ my mind,
‘Cause in you,
I see a thousand kinds,
And with you,
I’ll live a thousand lives
Someone told me true love is boring,
I hope in twenty years we’re exploring,
Some new facet of us will prove them wrong,
‘Cause there’s a new side of you,
A new shade of blue in your eyes,
Your eyes,
And I kinda like,
You changin’ my mind,
‘Cause in you,
I see a thousand kinds,
And with you,
I’ll live a thousand lives
With you,
I’ll live a thousand lives,
With you
-
Hey love, we’ve been cooped up inside for what feels like eternity,
But the sun just came out today,
So strap on your roller skates,
And ride away with me
Don’t fret, there’s a blanket for warmth as we take in the shooting stars,
You can carry your debit card,
But I promise we won’t go far,
We’re not here to impress the crowd
‘Cause I don’t need champagne or shiny diamond rings,
No, you won’t turn my head with all those fancy things,
Just being at your side is a lavish feeling,
You know, you know ‘cause,
We got the whole downtown baby,
You can show me what you got in the arcade,
Saving the day,
As you take my hand I’m dreaming ‘bout the 80’s and feeling like a lady
You know these old houses make me,
Imagine all the possibilities,
Don’t you babe?
As we’re walking slowly, dreaming ‘bout the 70’s,
I’m feeling like a lady
And I know that the note on your door says they want more than the simple things,
They’re slaves to the modern age,
But I’m begging you, let’s escape,
We can steal the time away
‘Cause I don’t need champagne or shiny diamond rings,
No, you won’t turn my head with all those fancy things,
Just being at your side is a lavish feeling,
You know, you know ‘cause,
We got the whole downtown baby,
You can show me what you got in the arcade,
Saving the day,
As you take my hand I’m dreaming ‘bout the 80’s and feeling like a lady
You know these old houses make me,
Imagine all the possibilities,
Don’t you babe?
As we’re walking slowly, dreaming ‘bout the 70’s,
I’m feeling like a lady
Ooh, we’re only a step away,
Let’s escape the modern age,
Because we’ve got the time
Ooh, we’re only a step away,
Let’s escape the modern age,
Because we’ve got the time
And I don’t need champagne or shiny diamond rings,
No, you won’t turn my head with all those fancy things,
Just being at your side is a lavish feeling,
You know, you know ‘cause,
We got the whole downtown baby,
You can show me what you got in the arcade,
Saving the day,
As you take my hand I’m dreaming ‘bout the 80’s and feeling like a lady
You know these old houses make me,
Imagine all the possibilities,
Don’t you babe?
As we’re walking slowly, dreaming ‘bout the 70’s,
I’m feeling like a lady
-
My favorite mistake,
Was not as it seemed
I was caught by surprise,
When you made me bleed
I didn’t know how bad I wanted to make you proud,
‘Til those bitter words fell from your mouth onto the ground
So come on run faster,
Speak a little louder,
Jump a little higher,
Am I good enough yet?
Ooh, give me the truth
Come on, run faster,
Speak a little louder,
Jump a little higher,
Am I good enough yet?
Ooh, give me the truth
I want to get out of here,
Get me a window seat,
Fly out into the clear,
A bird’s eye view is all I need
And all of the glitter of the city lights that once were blinding me,
All of the mountains that I could not climb,
The vows I could not keep,
They’ll sink below the clouds,
And I’ll breathe in deep from my window seat
Still holding my breath for what’s to come,
There’s a million walls,
I’m not strong enough,
They criticize and I take everything to heart,
But the rushing wind drowns them out as the engines start
So come on run faster,
Speak a little louder,
Jump a little higher,
Am I good enough yet?
Ooh, give me the truth
Come on, run faster,
Speak a little louder,
Jump a little higher,
Am I good enough yet?
Ooh, give me the truth
I want to get out of here,
Get me a window seat,
Fly out into the clear,
A bird’s eye view is all I need
And all of the glitter of the city lights that once were blinding me,
All of the mountains that I could not climb,
The vows I could not keep,
They’ll sink below the clouds,
And I’ll breathe in deep from my window seat
-
You want a girl who fits in boxes and lines,
Jungle girl’s made of roses and vines
One day she’s sunny, sweet like cherry lemonade,
Then she’s thunder in the pouring rain
But would you ever change her,
Darling, even if you had the chance?
‘Cause she’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there
Anything, anything, anything alive?
She’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there,
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
If it’s not free?
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
She’s your jungle girl, jungle girl,
Ooh Oh
She’ll pull you in, make you stay for a while,
She’s the girl who can drive you wild
No rhyme or reason, she’s beautiful and flawed,
Won’t carve her heart into a parking lot
But would you ever change her,
Darling, even if you had the chance?
‘Cause she’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there
Anything, anything, anything alive?
She’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there,
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
If it’s not free?
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
She’s your jungle girl, jungle girl,
Ooh Oh
You want a, you want a, you want a girl,
Who’s just like you
Well, what’s the point then?
You want a, you want a, you want a girl,
Who’s just like you
Well, what’s the point then?
You want a, you want a, you want a girl,
Who’s just like you
Well, what’s the point then?
Well, what’s the point then?
‘Cause she’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there
Anything, anything, anything alive?
She’s your,
Jungle girl, jungle girl,
Oh, tell me is there,
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
If it’s not free?
Anything, anything, anything, anything alive,
She’s your jungle girl, jungle girl,
Ooh Oh
-
I think I've fallen under your spell
That dusky voice poured over me
Slender hands, they twirl and weave
You spin the notes into your tapestry
Summon the winds to accompany
You brought us here now to captivate
And though we're standing in a darkened room
It blows until we're carried away
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
'Cause I wonder if you ever cry like me
When I'm face to face with jealousy
Oh, I wonder if you're ever sad like me
It’s plain to see you're a little empty, Oh
You find your mercury?
You find your mercury?
I'm coming out from under your spell
Childish games won’t agree with me
Lonely girls with lonely dreams
Writing pop songs on lonely keys
Ain't no potion to fill the need
But dip your finger, just wait and see
Add some passion to your vanity
Drink it up now, try to believe
That it's enough
Is it enough?
’Cause I wonder if you ever cry like me
When I'm face to face with jealousy
Oh, I wonder if you're ever sad like me
It’s plain to see you're a little empty, Oh
You find your mercury?
You find your mercury?
You can pack your bags,
sail the seven seas,
Find the lost lands,
Learn every mystery,
Charm the crowd,
Look the part,
But you're a haunted heart,
And I'm a haunted heart
Are we all haunted hearts?
Cause I wonder if you ever cry like me
When I'm face to face with jealousy
Oh, I wonder if you're ever sad like me
It’s plain to see you're a little empty, Oh
You find your mercury?
You find your mercury?
You find your mercury?
You find your mercury?
This is probably the most commonly misinterpreted song on the album. I understand why; everyone expects songs about a crush or lover, but I actually wrote Mercury about another musician and my jealousy of their talent. STORY TIME: I met this singer and songwriter about a year prior to writing Mercury and was instantly blown away by their beautifully haunting voice and style. Up until that point I had been trying to ignore how badly I wanted to pursue music but then seeing how freely this musician expressed their inner world made my own intense desire come to surface. As I watched their success and heard more from them I was overcome with envy of their gift and struggled with a deep feeling of being incomplete because I didn’t have that same gift. This was the first (and only) time I have ever experienced envy that physically hurt, even to the point of making me nauseous. I wrote down some lines about what I thought was so special about this person, which later became the first verse, but I hated it at the time so I trashed it.
…Until a few months later when I went to this musician’s show. The show was amazing as I expected, but afterward when I saw this person, all I saw was hurt and fear in their eyes. They smiled and said their rehearsed lines to their fans, but as soon as the fans’ backs were turned they sighed and wrung their hands nervously. I had known all along that talent alone would not fill anyone up, but seeing how ragged and empty this uncannily gifted person was left in their pursuits helped drive it home for me. I started asking myself the question, “is it enough?” because I knew that is wasn’t. This question led me to write the pre chorus, asking if they ever cried like me or felt jealousy like me. I had also stumbled upon a description of all the different Roman gods earlier and felt like the god Mercury kind of fit what I felt like this person had that I didn’t. Mercury is the god of material success and is also the messenger of the gods. I was envious of how this musician so freely and cleverly expressed their ideas and emotions, making beautifully captivating music like they were a messenger of the gods. I was also jealous of the fact that they got paid to do it. So, I wrote the chorus asking if they had found their Mercury.
The bridge is meant to further drive home the fact that a person can “charm the crowd, play the part” etc. but it won’t be enough. We’ll all be haunted hearts if we try to fill ourselves with those things. I believe that we are made for relationship with God and with others, but sometimes we get greedy and think we need more than that to be happy. For me, this song is part of a journey to finding contentment with what I already have; to find joy in using my own unique gifts and passions without the need to compare. ✨💙
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She looks innocent and pure
Hiding from the world, whoa
Behind a youthful glow, button nose
And eyes that pierce the soul, whoa
‘Cause she knows,
Pandora’s box is inside her chest,
She’s keepin’ it shut now ‘cause Momma knows best
Pain is passion and passion is pain,
But it’s full speed ahead when you don’t feel a thing
She’s got the thick skin,
Won’t find her caving in
She won’t ever love you,
If she don’t ever want to
She’s got the thick skin,
She’ll take it on the chin
‘Cause that girl’s determined,
That you won’t leave her hurtin’
She’ll breeze right in,
Nothing to prove,
And watch you make a move, whoo
You’ll be treated kind,
But the girl’s got a hide,
Tougher than the leather jacket Johnny gave her last July
‘Cause she knows,
Pandora’s box is inside her chest,
She’s keepin’ it shut now ‘cause Momma knows best
Pain is passion and passion is pain,
But it’s full speed ahead when you don’t feel a thing
She’s got the thick skin,
Won’t find her caving in
She won’t ever love you,
If she don’t ever want to
She’s got the thick skin,
She’ll take it on the chin
‘Cause that girl’s determined,
That you won’t leave her hurtin’
Nothing’s gonna hurt her more than the emptiness inside
Nothing’s gonna hurt her more than the emptiness inside
So give me the thick skin,
Won’t find me caving in
I won’t ever love you,
If I don’t ever want to
Thick skin,
Won’t find her caving in
She won’t ever love you,
If she don’t ever want to
She’s got the thick skin,
She’ll take it on the chin
‘Cause that girl’s determined,
That you won’t leave her hurtin’
This song was the last one on my first EP that I wrote, but I instantly knew it needed to be the first single. It’s still a favorite of mine. The spark for this song came one day when a friend jokingly commented to me, “ya know, you’ve got thick skin” and for some reason I found myself beaming with pride. It’s funny because I actually DON’T have thick skin but I’ve always had a profound desire to be invincible. Maybe it’s because I grew up a cowgirl, maybe because I’m super competitive, maybe because deep down I’m really a super sensitive soul and for that I always feel the need to compensate! With that comment that I took as a compliment ringing in my head, suddenly the chorus just came to me and I was humming it to myself the rest of the evening. I found myself so deeply attached to the idea of the girl who would never cave in, who could take in on the chin and never get hurt! I realized that is who I have often tried to be, ever since I was a little girl. So, in order to finish the song, I just let the age-old fantasy play out in my imagination and wrote down what I saw. An innocent looking girl, who can just breeze in wherever she wants. She is passionate but also smart and hard working. She never lets her emotions get the best of her. This song was basically written in less than a day, because the vision of this girl I had idolized my whole life was so fresh in my mind! To wrap it all up, I had to add the caveat of being thick-skinned - the bridge, saying nothing was going to hurt her more than the emptiness inside. If there is one thing I’ve been learning as I write, it’s that emotions can be beautiful. If we don’t allow ourselves to feel every once in a while, the world will be drab and gray and empty. And sometimes, that emptiness is way worse than any outside hurt. As with everything in life, there is a balance.
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I’ve got these feelings for sale,
They’ve kept me kneeling far too long,
Heartache don’t come for free,
Why don’t you buy it from me?
‘Cause when my heart is gone,
Well it can’t be bruised,
Always keeping my cool,
I won’t be a fool
When my heart is gone,
Well I can’t be used,
So call in the next ten minutes,
And I’ll cut you a deal
Oh, I got these feelings for sale
We all got a heart beating, but for what?
Doomed to live a life of bleeding is all we are
Cash or check is OK,
Take a loan on a better day
‘Cause when my heart is gone,
Well it can’t be bruised,
Always keeping my cool,
I won’t be a fool
When my heart is gone,
Well I can’t be used,
So call in the next ten minutes,
And I’ll cut you a deal
Oh, I got these feelings
No, I wasn’t looking for love,
But I still found heartache
No, I wasn’t looking for love,
But I still found heartache
‘Cause here I am left reeling from that smile,
Wish I could just stop feeling and walk away with style,
I try to count the cost,
But going twice and I’m lost
But when my heart is gone,
Well it can’t be bruised,
Always keeping my cool,
I won’t be a fool
When my heart is gone,
Well I can’t be used,
So call in the next ten minutes,
And I’ll cut you a deal
Oh, I got these feelings for sale
🏷 AKA "worst sales pitch ever"...this song is by far my most sarcastic! This was also one of my first original songs, but I completely rewrote it in the Fall when I was putting this album together. It has gone through a TON of changes since the first draft, but the few things that have stayed the same are the title, the bluesy, tongue-in-cheek vibe and that opening bass line. STORY TIME: the inspiration for this song first came when I had a little crush on a guy who turned out to be not as great as I initially thought. We were friends at first and then started talking and texting quite a bit. His friends started referring to us as a couple and I was expecting him to ask me out. But then I found out he was also still talking to an old girlfriend (I knew because she replaced me as his best friend on Snapchat. Lol). So, without mentioning her, I asked him if he liked me or not, to which he gave a very vague answer. At that point I figured it was best not to force anything and I backed off. Then, a week or two later, he had a NEW girlfriend. When I saw the cute picture of them at a wedding together on Instagram, it hurt a lot more than I expected. I felt stupid for liking a guy like him in the first place, and stupid for being hurt that he had chosen someone else. I just wanted to get rid of all the feelings.
It’s funny how in music, we sell our heartache. It’s wrapped up in a little package called a song, so I decided to call this one Feelings for Sale (then later decided it seemed fitting for the entire EP too). It wasn't until I rewrote the song a few years after everything happened that I started putting all the other "sale" and money references in, at which point I really became proud of the song! Like Thick Skin, it's a product of my mindset of wanting to be smart enough and tough enough to never get hurt. "When my heart is gone, it can't be bruised". I didn't think I was looking for love, the feelings just happened and now I was heartbroken against my own will. I wanted to stop caring about him and anyone else who might hurt me so that I could "walk away with style". But there I was, still thinking about how good it felt when he had smiled at me. The feeling was not good at all for my invincible ego!! It really all seems sort of silly now, but in the moment it was so real to me. The heart is a funny thing.
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Talk to me just like a symphony,
Your words resonate in my memory,
Like a river, you’re in the art of moving,
I could leave but you always call me back
So I’ll keep on waiting,
For you to heal the scars you made,
Open up the heavens,
Wrap me in your sweet embrace
And say you’re gonna love me back,
Please love me back,
Love me back,
Please love me back
Pierce my heart to make you stay,
Only you can make me feel this way,
Love me back,
Please love me back,
Love me back,
Please love me back,
Why you keep me hanging on?
You know I can only wait so long
I’ll surrender all my energy,
Black my eyes out to make you see,
Work my hands to the bone for your pleasure,
Still you lavish your gifts on another
But I’ll keep on waiting,
For you to heal the scars you made,
Open up the heavens,
Wrap me in your sweet embrace
And say you’re gonna love me back,
Please love me back,
Love me back,
Please love me back
Pierce my heart to make you stay,
Only you can make me feel this way,
Love me back,
Please love me back,
Love me back,
Please love me back,
Why you keep me hanging on?
You know I can only wait so long
Now I can feel the vibrations,
Is it you or is it my imagination?
I’ll give it everything I have,
But the music can’t love me back
I’ll give it everything I have,
But the music can’t love me
But say you’re gonna love me back,
Please love me back,
Love me back,
Please love me back
Why you keep me hanging on,
You know I can only wait so long
🥀 This song is the closest to my heart on the Feelings for Sale EP because, for me personally, it contains the most raw emotion. Ever since I wrote my first song I have really struggled with my desire to pursue music. It just always seemed way too far fetched that I would ever be “successful” as a musician so I tried many many times to ignore it. If you read the Mercury description, you know that I also struggled with some deep envy of another musician. This song came out of the worst time of that struggle. I had already started working on the album and I just kept comparing myself to others and driving myself nuts trying to compete. I desperately wanted to unlock whatever gift of expression these other musicians had. In my pursuits I was also growing very lonely. I had recently started a new job and was semi-homeless as I was still searching for a place to live in the same city as my new job, getting by with a combination of 1+ hour commutes from my parents’ place and some couch surfing. Then one night, I heard a bunch of new songs from this particular musician and one especially took my breath away more than ever before. All the emotions hit me at once: envy, unworthiness, hopelessness, loneliness, etc. I cried out to God in the emotional pain, and then his voice came to me like a thought, saying, “Julia, the music is not going to love you back!”. Just like that I realized that my misery was of my own making. I was putting my hope of happiness into somehow achieving this “gift” as a songwriter when the music was entirely incapable of returning the favor. When I started writing the song, I just started talking to music as if it were a person. We were in such a love/hate relationship, on and off again. I could leave but it would always pull me back. I would work so hard for it, but then it would “lavish” it’s gifts on another musician. What I had to realize was that music is not a competition, and happiness does not come from winning. For an artist, the joy is in the act of creating, not in the result. And as a human, I needed love from God, family, and friends more than I needed love from a pursuit. I still believe that the passion for music is part of my design and it’s for a reason, but it is not all that I am. We are all SO much more than our talents and successes, my friends!
-
So done, so tired of this skin
Dig deep, find me trapped within
No end, no time to my heartbeat
Fall out, fall in to the melody
And little did you know,
You're walking on holy ground,
Tugging at my heartstrings,
Oh, I'm unravelling
Let's take a stroll,
Barefoot in my soul
'Cause I am poetry,
I’ll be your discovery,
Won’t you interpret me?
'Cause I am poetry
Sweep left, brush right, gently now
Un-dust, repair this broken pottery
To be known, to be loved is our enigma
Find truth, find hope, be my analogy
And little did you know,
You're walking on holy ground,
Tugging at my heartstrings,
Oh, I'm unravelling
Let's take a stroll,
Barefoot in my soul
'Cause I am poetry,
I’ll be your discovery,
Won’t you interpret me?
'Cause I am poetry
So tell me now, tell me now, tell me now,
Be my, be my analogy
Tell me now, tell me now, tell me now,
Be my, be my analogy
'Cause I am poetry,
I’ll be your discovery,
Won’t you interpret me?
'Cause I am poetry
I am poetry
💎 As you might expect from the title, this is the most poetic song on the album. It was also the first one I took to the studio to produce, but we redid the vocal right before I released the album because I felt like I had improved so much as a vocalist in the 9 months since the first recording. This one was inspired by my enneagram type, which is 4 (the Individualist or the Romantic), because fours are the most complex out of all the other types. I was listening to a podcast by Sleeping At Last about how he had written his own song about type fours as part of his enneagram series. At one point, the enneagram expert he was interviewing compared fours to poetry. I don’t remember anything else about the interview, but the idea of being poetry stuck with me. I started to think of all the ways it made SO much sense and helped me feel better about my complexities. In typical four fashion, I felt this deep need to be understood by others, so I started writing about being trapped in my skin, and longing to be discovered like a piece of ancient pottery. When I wrote the pre chorus, I was thinking about the first time I’d known a person who just seemed to uncannily understand me. I wasn’t afraid of being misinterpreted and I felt like the best version of myself with them (Update: I married the guy!). My favorite line in the song is, “little did you know, you’re walking on holy ground”. Playing off the idea of holiness, I thought of how Moses had to take off his shoes when he met God in the burning bush. There is something holy about the human soul too, being made in the image of God. Hence the following line, “let’s take a stroll, barefoot in my soul”. It is truly a wonderful gift to be able to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with another person. What a balm for the soul to be able to let someone in without fear! In referencing an analogy in the 2nd verse/bridge, I was thinking of how our love for each other is an analogy of how Christ first loved us. I was happy with the haunting vibe the song took on, because I wanted the music to hint at the mystery of the human soul. I still get a little emotional thinking about it, how every person is so unique and special and precious! YOU are a treasure. We all need you, to just be you!